I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
