i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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