hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
