Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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