Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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