im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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