I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
barbara walters just said penis...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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