the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
