On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
