Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
