I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
