I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
