I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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