He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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