her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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