This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
