I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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