It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
