he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
