how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
