Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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