This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
