My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
