That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he fucked my hip out of place.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
