paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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