This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
