I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Four minutes until I can fart!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
