I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
