Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
