I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
