she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
