i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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