I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
