He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
