I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
