Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
