Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
that is very illegal...i love you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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