Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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