nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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