Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
