Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize