All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
