what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
