my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
