So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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