I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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