I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
