I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I want her autograph on my taint
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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