Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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