you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
