I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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