Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
