Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
