I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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