That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
