You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
