I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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