My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
