Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
