life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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