Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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