I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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