no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
