I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we made out on top of his cat.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
