does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
