Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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