I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
