found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
