I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize