it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i've created a new STD.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
