remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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