yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
